Shit, Let's Be Star Wars
by ClubsxDeuce
Summary: Because everyone else's done it.


_**It is a time of civil war. The empire of Her Imperious Condescension controls the majority of the universe through fear and destruction, and seeks to conquer the remaining free people of the Galaxy. To this end, the Empire has begun destruction of a space station, the Cull Star, with the power to obliterate entire planets. Plans detailing the Cull Star's only weakness are being delivered to the fledgling resistance by Princess Jade Harley of the planet Prospit, but agents of the Empress are in pursuit...**_

A small, oval shaped passenger ship forcibly decelerates under the pull of the gravity cone from the triangular warship on it's tail, deep royal purple in color and four times larger than it's prey. The small ship, painted in gold and ivory, gave one last desperate effort to pull away before an ion burst crippled it's engines. The warship overtook it, mechanical arms locking onto it's hull and maneuvering it into boarding position...

On board the capture craft, the immaculate white walls were flushed with red emergency lighting. White skinned beings, armed with swords, pike, and energy rifles, scurried about preparing defenses. Amongst them, two figures stood dramatically out of place.

The first was a humanoid shaped droid, gold plated from the waist up silver colored from the waist down. Highly distinguishing were massive bull-shaped horns on either side of it's head that didn't seem to serve any purpose. The other was a short astromech droid, rolling smoothly on it's three wheels in contract to the others clumsy walking. Eight eyes spaced evenly around it's domed head gave it 360 degree vision. It's designation, VR-18-KA, was stamped in white letters on it's black and blue chassis, but some of the 8 had faded so it more resembled a capital S. The ship trembled as a boarding tube connected.

"oOOOOH NO... WE ARE SO DEAD..." The tall droid mumbled at it's companion. The VR-unit returned a harse set of beeps. "tHE PRINCESS WON'T BE ABLE TO TALK HER WAY OUT OF THIS ONE. WE'RE SCRAP FOR SURE." The smaller droid whirrled it's head around to set it's primary eyes on Tavros, in it's equivilant of a glare. "wELL IT'S TRUE!" Tavros contended. Vr18ka rolled off in a huff, around a corner and out of his sight.

Elsewhere, strife had broken out. The Prospitians unleashed their firepower upon the narrow hallway through which the boarders entered, slaying the pitch black imps charging recklessly ahead, but doing little to the shield bearing battle droids of their middle line. Each robot was gleaming red, stamped with the three-pronged insignia of the empire on their chests. As the droids returned fire, the Prospitian defenders fell. Defenses routed, a shadowy figure began to enter the ship through the settling smoke...

"vRISKA? vRISKA WHERE DID YOU GO?" Tavros searched for his missing companion. "dON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE IN THIS MESS..." He rounded a corner and glanced down a maintenance corridor, where he saw a figure hunched over and speaking softly to the astromech droid. She had long black hair, wore the flowing gold robe or Prospitian nobility, but was clearly human, unlike the rest of the ships lifeforms. When she turned her head he caught a glimpse of glasses upon her face, before she darted away back into the shadows. "vRISKA?" Tavros called out, drawing the droids attention as she rolled towards him. She emitted a series of complicated beeps and whistles as she rolled right past him at the top speed her wheels could sustain. "wHAT?" Tavros though he had to have misinterpreted that last set of signals. "yOU DON'T SERIOUSLY MEAN... BE RESONABLE!" She let out a squawk of protest to silence the meddlesome Protocol droid, who kept following her in spite of his reservations.

"eSCAPE PODS?" Tavros questioned as they entered the bay housing them. "bUT WE'RE NOT ALLOWED IN HERE. lIFEPODS ARE RESERVED FOR LIVING PASSANGERS IN THE EVENT OF... OW!" Tavros lurched forward into one of the pods as Vriska zapped him with a tiny electrical charge from her multi-tool arm. A moment late, she wheeled in behind him.

"wATCH OUT FOR THE-" He tried to say, but her front wheels dropped eight inches before her rear ones, sending her tumbling forwards down the three stairs in the pod's interior.

"88888888eeeeeeeepppppppp!" Her head dome smashed into the floor at Tavros' feet.

"-sTAIRS."

The pod detached, drifting slowly away from the interlocked ships, with no heat signatures, life signs, or any other manner of detection save the naked eye. Thankfully, no one was paying attention with those. Unnoticed, the pod waited until out of sensor range to activate it's thrusters, as VR-18-KA set the course per the instructions she'd been given by...

"We found her sir." One of the combat droids spoke to a man in black armor. The man was tall, imposing, and wearing a mask with a terrifying jaw line, and eyes which rapidly flashed a great many colors. His gloved, claw-like left hand still held the snapped neck of a Prospitian he'd been interrogating. "She killed several imps and destroyed three security droids before she could be apprehended." Behind the droid came a young woman in a gold dress, struggling against handcuffs while flanked by two of the red battle droids.

"Lord English. I should have guessed you were behind this." The girl spoke with venom. "The imperial council won't allow this. When they find out you attacked a Prospitian Vessel on a diplomatic mission..."

"Her Imperious Condescension has dissolved the council. She ordered this raid. And we both know, Princess Harley, this was no mercy mission." English spoke, and she was unsure how much of his menacing growl was a product of his helmet, and how much was in his actual voice.

"I don't know what you mean." She feigned.

"Transmissions of a sensitive nature were stolen by rebel spies and beamed about their vessel. Where are they?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You are a liar." English's voice rose.

"I'm a consular of the Kingdom of Prospit and I won't stand for-"

"You are a part of the rebel alliance and a traitor to the empire!" English cut her off. "Take her away." He ordered at the droids, forcing her to turn around nd walk out of the room. As they led her to a holding cell, she bit her lip. Their cover had been far less secure than predicted. At least she'd managed to get the plans off the ship in that astromech droid. There was still hope they would reach the right people before it was too late...


End file.
